Our Drama Performance.

Just, thank goodness it's over!

Thought I'd share a bit of the last scene's script with you.
Note: The scenes in between have changed a bit, also I was the mum who reads the letter. :)

Dear Mum,

I want you to know that I’m sorry, that I never meant to scream and shout at you, saying that I hated you. I do love you and the thought of the look on your face when you read this letter is... Was possibly the only thing that made me think twice.

(Annie!? Annie!?)

But mum, I’m too tired. I can’t fight it any longer; I’m just fed up of it all! I fought so hard for so long. I really did mum, but I can’t anymore. But mum it isn’t your fault, please don’t blame yourself.

I saw the psychologist, just like you told me to do. “So, what do you think is wrong with you...?” he said to me. After that I lost all faith in him and all other so called medical experts, the reason I went to him was to see what was wrong with me, why I kept feeling the way I did, but he wanted me to tell him…

Mav: So what do you think is wrong with you?

Ciara: Pardon? What’s wrong with me?

Mav: well yes, what’s the issue?

Ciara: *Sighs* well, I don’t know really, I just feel like no one really cares anymore

Mav: Well I care

Ciara: You just care for you to get your money, if I wasn’t here next week you wouldn’t even think twice

Mav: Now you know that isn’t true! Just tell me how you feel.

Ciara: Numb. Worthless. Like a waste of time and space

Mav: And what makes you feel like that?

Ciara: I walk down the street; does anyone look up if I bump into them? No, not even people on the street have the time to mutter a sorry to me.

You were there for me and I know you tried to look out for me, but I still felt alone, I can’t cope anymore, not even with school; everyday pretending that everything is okay. But mum, it isn’t okay. I hate feeling the way I do. Yet the only thing that I hate more then anything is what you will feel, the pain that I will cause you.

Noora: Right Annie, are you sure this is everyone that you would
want to be here?

Ciara: Yes, I’m sure

Noora: Okay, now introduce me to your parents please?

Ciara: He’s my dad (points at Mav)

Noora: and your mother?

Ciara: She passed away, last year.

Noora: Can I know how?

Ciara: Car accident, please can we not, Dad get’s really upset when we speak about it

Noora: Okay, and the rest of these people here?

Ciara: Aunts, uncles, cousins.

Noora: Okay and do they know why you’re here?

Ciara: Yes, I think so, oh no, please don’t cry Aunty, please don’t, I’m fine.

But mum, please understand. Everyday I feel pain, so much pain. It hurts mum. But I don’t need you to make it go away anymore, this one thing I will do for myself. I will lift the burden off your shoulders, because that’s all I have become, a burden.

Do you remember what the doctor said? “I can’t see anything wrong with you.” How could he be so blind!? Those words, those were the words that once spoken could never be erased. He had pushed me over the edge, to the point of no return. I had given up, once and for all.

Mav: Are you sure you’re feeling this way?

Ciara: Yes! Of course! Would I make something like this up?

Mav: Well no, it’s just that I’m struggling to find anything wrong with you

Ciara: (muttering) some professional

Mav: Pardon me?

Ciara: huh? Nothing oh nothing.

Mav: Well, I’m sorry; I don’t think I can help

Ciara: That’ll be right. No one can help me. Mainly because no one wants to. But hey, what can you do eh?

Mav: Now come on; don’t be like that, I’m sure your family care for you?

Ciara: Family? Ha. Not a chance. Dad couldn’t care less what happened to me. I hate him.

Then there was the cutting, I knew it was wrong, I knew it was stupid, but it felt right and once I’d started- there was no going back.

The teachers tried to help. Comforting words, sympathetic nods and smiles full of sorrow. It didn’t help; it just pushed me down further. The worst thing is to be patronised by those who you can tell just don’t give a damn about you.

Noora: Annie, you didn’t do very well in this piece of work?

Ciara: I guess not.

Noora: Would you like to tell me why?

Ciara: What’s the point to be honest, who really cares?

Noora: I care!

Ciara: What grade I get?! Yeah, great.

Noora: No Annie, I care about you, I’ve taught you for 3 years now, and I’ve seen you deteriorate, along with your grades

Ciara: And there we go again, all about the grades.

Noora: that’s not what I mean, that’s the only way we communicate, I do care about you Annie, I really do, it’ll be alright.

Ciara: Yeah, sure it will.

The day that I first realised what I had to do was the first time I saw clearly for months. I had thought about it so many times before, but that thought would always come with a reason not to do it. The difference is that now I’m too tired to keep fighting. Everyday things become more and more worthless, now I’m at the point where nothing matters, nothing matters at all.

But I promise you that I tried fighting, for months I fought. Now mum, now I’ve got no energy left to fight with. Nothing left to fight for and nothing left to lose, nothing that’s worth the pain. So many years you took care of me, mum. So many, and I am grateful for that, I promise. (Sits down on floor, close to tears.)

Ciara: So don’t cry mum. Don’t shed a tear. I love you mum. Never forget that; but mum as much as I love you, I can’t fight any longer. I’m too tired, so it’s time for me to leave, time for me to go. Good bye mum. Take Care. Look after yourself, please, look after yourself. I’m sorry. (Mum walks off stage, Ciara places letter in envelope and walks off stage also)

Skins! Episode 7: JJ.

Character guide as such. :)

Cook - Aww, I actually can't help but love him (Shush Ben xP). He's an idiot yes, but his nickname "Cookie Monster" is soo cute and when he was going on about no one loving Cooky. :(

Panda- Why!? Why!? Once was enough! I never thought she'd do anything like that again to poor Thomas! But omg, her and Cook actually go /very/ well together, still foolish child.

Thomas- Just aww, he's so unbelievably cute and I feel so sorry for him. :[

Freddie- Hmm. He's lovely but he can be so harsh with JJ and why can't him and Effy just get it over and done with, please? :p

Naomi- I quite like her, she's sweet. :)

JJ- I liked him a lot more in this episode, the end had me close to tears! Vair cute. ^_^

Emily- If she wasn't gay I'd be so JJ/Emily, I think she's pretty awesome tbh. A really nice character. :]

Katie- Her and Freddie was almost as much as a surprise as Cook and Panda continueing. O_o I don't like her tbh, she's a bit of a...

Effy- She reminds me of Cook so much. She's so pretty (he's pretty gorgeous xP), yet at the same time she uses it to her disadvantage and messes with people's head, but hey I don't blame her.

Fantastic episode. ^_^

Brr.

I hate the cold. :(

It's kinda hard to type when my hands are cold too. xP

Plus I should probably be doing revision, which I will in a minute! ^_^

I have Science GCSE modules in less then a week now! Kinda scary tbh. xD

Also, Skins tonight! I love Skins, it's so awesome. :D
Naomi and Cook? Or Naomi and Emily? Not in general, just for tonight's episode. Hmm. :/

Anyhow my radiator is waving to me and I don't have much to say tbh, so I oughta go sit in the heat and do some revision. Byeeee. (:

Also *wail* at Waterloo Road. =[

Finally!

Aha, finally found my way back onto my blog. :p

Basically my email on it had changed to an "andymillen92@googlemail.com", I'd forgotten my password and to reset it I had to know who dear Andy's girlfriend was, hmm.

Finally I managed to log back on, after guessing my password and it also appears to have given me access to his google account. Now where's the delete button? xP

Okay, I give up; I don't like google mail.

Now I have to go and have dinner (dammit) but I promise to try and be more active! If people read and comment anyhow. :p

Toodles!

New Year's Resolutions

Oh dear.

Haha, just somewhere to keep 'em I guess, if I can think of any. =/

- Confidence, gain some.

- Stop procrastinating (doesn't everyone though?)

- GoE, srsly.

- Stop being so sensitive. Call 'em Sue.

_ Grab chances whilst I can, but at the same time- not do anything unless I'm positive.

- Think Positive. :)

- Get school work done, on the day!

- Pass exams. >.<

Hmm.

Don't play with these at home children... play with them at school.

^__^

So Friday the 29th was a great day, I went to London via the train/tube with my mother and brother. xD
Firstly we went to Covent Gardens (I think) and saw some fantastic acts. The best of them being the one, i'm about to talk about.

Now, i'm a bit weird in that I don't find shows like "Mock The Week" and "Have I got News For You" very funny, yet some stabs of humour on programs such as "Torchwood" and "Doctor Who" I do laugh at.

So we saw this guy perform in a square or other, and he was fantastically funny, loved every minute of it. I have 2 videos of his performance, the 2nd is better and has his actual knife trick, though the first is still funny. Yet of course, the 2nd won't load, 'cos it's too big. >_< If anyone wants it, ask me. =]


Soo awesome. ^__^

After that we went to The Movieum, which was just incredible, i'd 100% reccomend it. There was a lot of Star Wars, awesome activities and just everything to do with film.
I have a lot of pictures for you all. :D


The London Underground, but is it the real London Underground? :P


Movie Plane. =]



Movie Tomatoes, just 100x the size of your average tomato.


Sherlock Holmes' study, itself.


Baker Street, just inside...


Huuuge teapot/cup, from something like Alice In Wonderland, I guess.


Some dude from Star Wars, I got one of Darth Vader too, but it didn't come out too well.


Saving Private Ryan, i've never seen it, but it's supposed to be really sad.


Some Horror Character.


"Scary" dude.


Mon frere on a massive phone, it weighed a ton. :P


The Tardis. ^__^


Dalekkk!


Mini Daleks, and mini Tardis. :]

And one more video, of my brother on this rather awesome machine thingy. You don't have to watch it all. xP



Awesome day. =]

You know I hate to fly, but I feel much better occupied by mind...

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